Friendly Shoves and Little Nudges

[fantastic_jackie]

Title: Friendly Shoves and Little Nudges
Author: patriot_jackie
Rating & Warnings: G/None
Word Count: 1,462 Words
Genre: Humor with mention of Romance
Summary: In yet another argument, Sirius attempts to convince Remus to do something about his feelings for Tonks. And yet again, it seems as though Remus will sucessfully deflect the issue. - Except that this time, Sirius has concocted a devious scheme that might actually be successful.
Author’s Notes: Well, mrstater picked the one that was more-or-less finished for the fanfiction meme. - Correction, the first chapter is finished. I'm still debating on leaving it at the two or going on for a third and final; I suppose I'll know later on this week.
Written originally for a metamorfic_moon challenge, I went with another story at the time because this one took too much beginning story to even reach the prompt - thus it has been re-thought without said prompt.

 

“Not again, Sirius.”

 

“If you’d just admit to it, we wouldn’t have to go through this again.”

 

“There’s nothing to admit.”

 

“You like her. You know you do.”

 

“She’s your cousin,” Remus said in exasperation from his post leaning against the doorframe of Mrs. Black’s old room. Sirius unconcernedly tossed Buckbeak another dead rat which the hippogriff readily devoured. “Assuming that I am attracted to her-“

 

“And you are,” Sirius interjected.

 

Remus ignored him. “- you shouldn’t be, as her older cousin, attempting to pair her with your also older best friend.”

 

“’Course I should!” Sirius countered throwing the last two rats to the feathery beast in quick succession. He dusted his hands off and turned around, walking through the door.

 

“Scourgify,” Remus said pointing his wand at the other wizard’s hand just before being clapped on the back and directed another spell at the other one.

 

“If I think my best mate will be the best thing that’s ever happened to my little cousin,” he reasoned, shutting the door behind them and pausing in the hall. “Doing nothing would be wrong.”

 

“You don’t know her well enough to know I would be the best thing to happen to her, but I know myself well enough to know I’d rank on her list of worsts.” He left his friendly embrace and treaded towards the stairs.

 

Sirius shook his head, brows creased together in a frown, and followed down the hall. “Now there you go again,” he said in agitation.

 

“Stealing the thunder right out of your arguments?” Remus shot back innocently.

 

“Not in a good way-“

 

“You would say that since they’re your arguments.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Moony,” he said with a sigh. When he received no reply, he continued, “She likes you, if you haven’t noticed. Actually, a lot of us do.”

 

“As friends,” Remus corrected, coming to stand at the top of the stairs. “Which I’m perfectly content with.”

 

But Sirius was yet again shaking his head back and forth. “Not Tonks,” he said. “She fancies you. – And you’d see it like the rest of us do if you’d stop wallowing in your self pity and-“

 

“I’m an older, unemployable werewolf,” Remus said shortly, losing his patience. “Assuming that either of us is interested in the other, and we aren’t, I’ve nothing to offer her.”

 

Sirius stood stunned and silent for a few moments, and Remus took the opportunity to descend the first few steps. He personally didn’t find what he’d said so shocking; maybe Sirius just hadn’t anticipated it. But Remus hadn’t made it too far down when Sirius recovered and called after him, “That’s crap!”

 

“It’s true, and you know it,” he returned idly.

 

“I’ll be d---ed if I know anything of the sort!” he bellowed fiercely. Remus stopped and turned slowly around in surprise to regard his friend. “Would you listen to yourself? Nothing to offer? What the bloody h--- are you talking about?”

 

“I don’t have any means of income-“

 

“Don’t you think she knows that? She’s not interested in you because she thinks you’re daddy deep pockets!”

 

Remus felt his mouth twitch, and he fought back a laugh even as the sincerity of the topic at hand pressed him for a sober rebuttal. Leave it to Sirius to find a way to dispel two of his greatest concerns in a bout of irritated dry humour. He attempted to compose a comeback, but he couldn’t grab hold of any one thought, so he asked instead, “What’s your point?”

 

“My point is,” he said stepping menacingly down the stairs. “That you have plenty to offer and plenty of worth, regardless of how little gold you have in Gringotts or your furry little problem, and it’s time you acknowledged that.”

 

Remus bowed his head, this time unable to prevent a smile from breaking through his features. “You know how absurd this is coming from you?” he asked wryly and peeked up with a raised brow to see his friend’s reaction.

 

He shrugged. “So I’m a hypocrite; I’ve been charged with worse things.”

 

“You should listen to yourself; you needn’t believe in your own worthlessness.”

 

Sirius reached Remus’ stair, and they descended the flights together.

 

“But I’m not chasing after a girl at the moment, so I get a pass,” he countered.

 

“I’m not chasing after-“

 

“Well, you’re right; you aren’t. But you should be.”

 

“No, I shouldn’t.”

 

“Yes, you should.”

 

“No-“

 

“Didn’t we just go through this?”

 

Remus heaved a great sigh and stifled the urge to pass his hand over his face. They rounded the first floor landing and started down the second flight as Sirius said with annoying persistency, “I could have sworn we just went through this.”

 

“Sirius,” he said sharply, though he lowered his volume drastically as they were nearing Mrs. Black’s cursed portrait. “I never said-“

 

“You never were a good liar, Moony. Give it up.”

 

“I’m not lying, and would you at least consider dropping your voice a couple decibels?”

 

“You are, and no. Let the old hag bark; she’s the only dark witch I get to fight. – Besides old Snivellus, but you never let me-“

 

“Shh!” He stopped abruptly, Sirius with him. “I, for one, do not enjoy being called-“

 

“A filthy half breed?” he finished for him in a far more perky voice than Remus cared for.

 

He wrinkled his nose. “Exactly. Among other things.”

 

“I don’t know why you’re complaining,” Sirius said in an airy tone and continued down the last few steps. “I rather take my mother’s epitaphs as compliments.”

 

“Well, considering who she was and your relation,” he said just barely above a whisper in hopes of offsetting Sirius’ stubbornness, “I can see where you’re coming from.”

 

“Bane of her flesh,” he said proudly. When Remus pinned him with a beseeching look, he grinned and said in his normal volume, “I don’t know what you’re so afraid of, Moony.”

 

“Please, Sirius. I’d just rather not be troubled-“

 

“Say the magic words.” The expectant, mischievous glint in his eyes told Remus that the words were nothing along the lines of “Pretty please.”

 

It was a hollow threat; Sirius himself would help silence her and all the other portraits, and even if he didn’t, it would only take a few extra minutes of his time. Unless… Remus glowered at him. “You wouldn’t.”

 

“I would,” he said he said wickedly and grinning all the more, though he had lowered his volume slightly. – Undoubtedly to prevent his diabolical scheme from starting prematurely.

 

“They’d drive you mad just like me,” he tried reasoning.

 

Sirius pointed to himself. “Already insane, courtesy of Azkaban.” He inched towards the picture, and Remus followed suit, pausing on the last stair.

 

“You can say that again.”

 

“Just swear you’ll make a move on Tonks.”

 

“What? No! – I’ve already said-“

 

“Ahh? You opt for a never-ending headache?”

 

“I opt for you to have one, yes.”

 

He imitated the sound of a buzzer. “Wrong answer.”

 

Remus glanced around the corner at the curtains in alarm. Sirius was only two feet away and closing. “Shut up!” he whispered severely. “You’ll get the Order discovered!”

 

“You know that’s not possible,” he replied slyly. Remus glared; it was worth a try.

 

Just then, the door locks, magical and non, began unsealing; someone was on the other side.

 

“Company!” Sirius whispered excitedly. “Well, you can explain why I’m standing here, purposely thwarting your efforts.” He inhaled deeply, and another lock on the door gave way.

 

Remus hesitated; cursed portraits moaning and yelling didn’t seem so grave a threat, but if Sirius’ goal really was to perpetuate their racket… The air popped around him as one of the wards dissolved, and Sirius still held his breath. He didn’t know who was on the other side, but… “All right! All right!” he gave in. “I’ll think about it.”

 

Sirius raised a brow in askance as if to say, “You’ll only think about it?”

 

“That’s all you’ll get out of me,” he said resolutely. Another lock dissipated leaving only one.

 

Sirius considered the offer for a moment, and then nodded in agreement. He was quite pleased with himself, beaming and looking every bit the Marauder he used to be. He backed away from the picture and whispered, “That’ll be Tonks.” Remus looked quickly to his watch; it was far too early- “She sent a message that I forgot to share with you; Scrimmigeour switched her shifts around which means she gets off early today.”

 

Remus gaped. All planned… All… - The sneaky-

 

The last lock clicked open.

 

“I’ll scurry downstairs and leave you to play hero.” He nodded to the pink-haired Auror’s umbrella-holding arch nemesis, and hurriedly tip-toed to the kitchen.

 

Remus was still gaping in his direction when the door opened.

 
TBC...

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