Adagio, 1 of 2
Dec. 13th, 2008 12:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fantastic_jackieTitle: Adagio, Mvt. 1
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
patriot_jackie
Rating: G
Genre: Drama/Romance Fluff
Word Count: 3,345 Words
Season/Spoilers: Season 5, Fail Safe & Season 8, Threads
Summary: Adagio - A tempo mark directing that a movement is to be played slowly and gracefully; any slow dance. S/J
Dedication: Written for Gater_62 - Merry Christmas! I am your Secret Santa! Your request was rather open, but I had a little bit to work with, including your seeming preference for Jack, so I wrote the second part in his POV. YES! You get two chappies! Hope it satisfies your inner shipper!
AN: I placed the first part of this fic after Fail Safe, but it’s *not* a tag. I mean… unless you want it to be. ;) If the party is Christmassy, that’s up to you, too! I've never written this much drama before, so I hope I've done well!
Mvt. 1
No expense had been spared for the celebration currently taking place: Earth had avoided being destroyed by an asteroid that had been sure to impact. A miraculous save by SG-1 had spared them, though not everyone in attendance was permitted to know how. Bright and golden, the ballroom’s décor was to be envied by any other gathering, past and present. The amplified strains of a quick waltz from the string quintet pervaded the lively setting, hovering over the murmurs and talk of the large crowd. Celebration was in the air as the attendees chalked up another close victory for Earth, and they chattered between occupations and ate, drank, and made merry on the dance floor.
Major Samantha Carter looked across the ornately decorated ballroom and felt a hollow sense of achievement. While it was true that SG-1 had saved the Earth from impending doom, the recent losses of the Tollan and Tok’ra homeworld among others weighed heavier on Sam’s heart. She supposed it was good to celebrate this victory with all those involved – the SGC, a good portion of the Pentagon, NASA scientists, some Senators and House Representatives, the President, and the astronomer who had discovered the “asteroid” in the first place – with the string of recent defeats and blows. They’d needed a morale boost now more than ever with new and more deadly enemies on the rise, and though Sam would easily take the momentary victory and move on to the next task, she understood that sometimes it was good to revel in their good fortune.
She tried to cheer herself up. Her and SG-1’s role could not be officially stipulated at this formal celebration, but they had received generalized recognition, she most of all. She felt more of it should have been given to Daniel since he had been the one to give her the idea even though he would balk at the idea. Her three teammates were around the party somewhere; they were, in a way, the guests of honor. She wondered if Daniel had known to stay away from the punch or if the Colonel had discovered the secret stash of cake he was convinced they had hidden somewhere. She hadn’t seen the Colonel since the beginning of the party, though she was grateful about that.
“Major Carter,” Teal’c’s deep voice interrupted her musings, and she looked to him eagerly giving her attention. She hadn’t even heard him approach. He held out his hand, palm up in offering. “May I have this dance?”
Sam felt her expression light up in bright surprise. “You learned how to dance, Teal’c?” Sappily, she had a thought that she could always depend on her guys, no matter the situation – even something as simple as making her smile.
He inclined his head. “I have done some study of the Tauri’s cultural dances. They are not dissimilar from the dances on Chulak.”
Her mouth was twitching in amusement from his reference to the ‘Tauri’s cultural dances,’ but she covered for it with a wide grin and took his hand. “In that case, I’d be honored, Teal’c. Lead the way.”
And lead he did. Sam was surprised at how adept he was at dancing, though considering how strong and steady his general presence was, she knew she shouldn’t have been. They glided through the ballroom effortlessly, chatting leisurely about Teal’c’s son and Master Bra’tac. Before she even knew it, the song had ended, the couples parted from one another as they applauded the musicians.
“Wow. Wanna go another round?” She grinned up at him.
His mouth tipped upward ever so slightly, but his eyes flickered briefly over her shoulder. “I would. However, I believe you would prefer to dance with O’Neill.”
He motioned behind her then, she turning to see, “The Colonel?” falling from her lips.
Sure enough, Colonel O’Neill was walking towards them. He was obviously distracted by a pretty, flaunting brunette only to just as obviously ignore her with a wink to Sam. She barely withheld rolling her eyes. She’d spent most of the evening avoiding him. The problem wasn’t that she didn’t want to be around him; it was the exact opposite. Sam feared her true feelings would be exposed from the general flush on her cheeks and the way she wouldn’t be able to take her eyes off him in a conversation.
He looked too good in dress.
“Hey, T’,” the Colonel said as he approached them, squeezing through the last pair that separated them.
The Jaffa inclined his head in friendly, respectful acknowledgement. “O’Neill.”
He smiled, eyes twinkling good naturedly. “Mind if I cut in and steal Carter for a dance?” The question was posed to Teal’c, though he turned to Sam halfway through it, eyebrows perched hopefully. She smiled back, if a little shyly.
“Not at all, O’Neill,” Teal’c said, his eyes wandering over the crowd. “I must inform DanielJackson of the high alcoholic content in the beverage he is about to consume.”
The colonel’s eyebrows arched again, and he and Sam turned to the direction Teal’c had indicated in time to see Daniel, engaged in conversation, pour himself a full glass of the spiked fruity drink.
“Yes!” Jack said to Teal’c. “Go. Inform away. Save our Danny boy from certain embarrassment.”
With a nod to them both, Teal’c hurried away to rescue the distracted archeologist from his own absentmindedness.
“Can’t leave him for a second,” Jack said mostly to himself, but Sam chuckled at his muttered comment. He smiled wistfully, “He hasn’t changed a bit.” She had to force herself to look away from the fond expression on his face.
They watched the comical scene for a moment more, Teal’c coming up behind Daniel and tapping him on the shoulder, motioning to the glass in his hand. As if he knew they were watching – perhaps Teal’c had told him that, as well – Daniel turned to Sam and Jack and shook his head before returning his attention to Teal’c.
“Well,” the Colonel said suddenly spinning to face her. “Shall we?”
Sam smiled. “Have you been enjoying yourself, Sir?”
“Well, you know, there still isn’t any cake,” he said with a playful smirk as the quintet struck up the first note, and he reached for her hand. She knew he felt the same electric shock at the touch when his eyes immediately locked with hers. If not for their years of practice, she was sure she’d have forgotten to place her other hand on his arm. She bit her lip when he touched her waist lightly, looking down as they began to move in time.
When he spoke again, she looked up. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’ve been avoiding me, Carter,” he said lightly, though his brown eyes held her blue ones steadily in question.
She winced, despite herself.
He frowned. “Something I said? Do I smell bad?”
She bit her lip again, this time to keep from laughing. She wanted to tell him that he smelled very good, a burning blush crawling up her neck. “No, Sir,” she managed.
“Well?” His eyebrows were quirked upwards in askance.
She knew he wouldn’t let it go unless she gave him an answer, and as her commanding officer, she was required to answer his direct question. Still, she couldn’t tell the truth… “It’s not what you think, Sir,” she finally settled on. He still wasn’t satisfied, so she avoided his eyes and continued, “I’m just… not sure this was such a good idea.”
He was silent, long enough for her to guess that he understood what she was getting at.
Without his face to focus on, her attention was drawn more on where they were touching each other. He felt strong and solid beneath her hand, and she wanted nothing more than to press herself fully against him.
“Oh,” he said.
She chanced looking at him again, but instead of compassion or understanding, she recognized the hurt and disappointment that had stolen into his eyes and the set of his mouth. For a moment, she didn’t understand, but then Sam realized a pounding moment too late that with his own self doubts, he’d completely misconstrued her meaning.
They’d been treating each other with a measured amount of distance since… since he’d had to kill her, in an attempt to move on. Personally, she’d been completely unsuccessful, despite the recent hurt of the situation with Orlin during which she had partially considered making a genuine attempt out of her feelings of betrayal and abandonment. But Jack… Jack, she was sure, believed she’d moved on because of Orlin, and he hadn’t been hiding his feelings about it very well. At least not from her, and he knew it. Recently, things had almost gone back to normal between them, but he apparently still held doubts.
She thought back to her answer. Did he really think she was uncomfortable in his presence because he thought she didn’t…feel feelings for him anymore?
She couldn’t let that stand, and she didn’t care what the regulations had to say on the matter. “Sir,” she said purposely, only to be interrupted.
“Relax, Carter,” he said wryly, face smoothing as he buried the negative emotions. “I don’t bite.” He paused before adding, “Like some Majors.”
Sam couldn’t fight off the blush, and she looked away to hide it. Aside from knowing she’d never live down the time when she’d bit the colonel’s hand, her mind had quickly taken a tangent when he’d mentioned biting in the first place. If the situation had been different, she would have glared at him for his teasing.
“That’s not what I meant, Sir,” she said looking up and meeting his eyes squarely. His eyes were blank and expressionless, and she knew he’d recoiled into himself as a defense. “Sir,” she said sincerely, “I could never feel anything less than safe with you.” It was a compromise, because they’d never been direct about anything and she couldn’t start now, but she hoped her emphasis would put some of his fears to rest.
He gave her a half smile. “Safe is good.” His tone still sounded disappointed.
“It’s more than safe-“ she started to say, determined that he understand.
“Sam,” he interrupted her. “Don’t.”
She frowned, frustrated. “Don’t what?”
“Just don’t,” he said simply. “Don’t be right about this being a bad idea.”
Her heart dropped as he turned her words on her. “I was wrong. Anything with you couldn’t be-”
“Carter,” he interrupted again, more sharply this time and shook his head. “I know.”
But he didn’t, and he wouldn’t let her explain. Could she have screwed this up any more thoroughly?
Conversation obviously a dead end, she concentrated on the dance. One, two, three. One, two, three. He led, and she followed as it always was between them. His movements weren’t as smooth and refined as Teal’c’s, and yet, there was a lightness to his touch, a reverence in the way he looked at her, that exuded far more grace and elegance than any other man she’d ever shared a dance with. The way he moved, she could sense his earnestness in every step as he pulled her closer against his body. She decided that she preferred it, preferred him and finally allowed herself to relax. This was no revelation to her, but they were dangerous thoughts to have when so many people and SGC personnel in particular were present. But Sam, for once in her life, ignored those warnings from her logical self, and set herself to enjoy this with her commanding officer.
Under the guise (to herself) of relaxing further, she leaned into him more. To accommodate their closer position, Jack pulled their barely outstretched hands towards him. One, two, three. One, two, three.
Belatedly, she realized they were no longer speaking at all, but she didn’t mind it. The silence was good, comfortable.
He was watching her intently, and she was content to fall into those expressive eyes. Desire and restraint warred in his features, gaze roaming her face and mouth for a moment before returning to her own. He repeated the motions, and she understood.
He wanted to kiss her, and Sam, ignoring any consequences, decided she would let him.
But if Jack saw her answer, he still seemed conflicted.
The piece ended, applause breaking through the haze that had settled between them. With a start, Sam realized what they had been about to do as they backed away from each other and clapped unthinkingly with the others. Inconspicuously, Sam looked around to see if they’d been so obvious as to be noticed. She’d never been thankful to see Senator Kinsey before, but if anyone would have noticed, it would have been him, and he seemed completely oblivious to the things that had been transpiring between her and Jack.
She turned back to the Colonel; he, too had been checking to see if they’d been caught, turning his attention from a none-the-wiser General Hammond.
“Guess you were right after all,” he said, bitterness, she knew directed at himself, creeping into his voice, and he left her abruptly on the dance floor.
She hated it. Hated that she was right. Definitely a bad idea.
-/\-
Daniel was ready when Sam scooted into the stool beside him at the bar. He passed her a glass of champagne, which she gratefully accepted. He had no drink himself, thanks to Teal’c’s warning of even the punch. Not that he minded alcohol, but it was no secret that he was easily influenced by the substance, and he really didn’t want that side of himself exposed to anyone outside of his family. Most people would be appalled to hear him describe his job as his life, but for him, the SGC was so much more than just a job. It was that way for anyone who was a part of it, really, but especially SG-1, though he recognized he might be biased about that last part.
With that thought on his mind, he turned to Sam who was, as he thought of her, the sister he’d never had. He wondered briefly if he’d ever told her that – if he really needed to.
She was focused intently on the flute in her hands, twirling it mindlessly in place on the counter. A light flush still graced her face, and he couldn’t help the wave of sympathy that washed over him. He wasn’t sure how to play these things; it was a subject the team had an unspoken rule about, for the good of SG-1, the SGC, and even the galaxy if they were honest. Interesting that they were still such down-to-earth folks. – Well, outside of the whole… super genius, super linguist, alien “traitor,” brilliant tactician make-up they had coupled with too many bizarre and life-threatening experiences to count. So maybe they’d never be normal, but they tried to maintain at least some semblance of the ordinary. After all, outside of their amazing talents and luck, they were just ordinary people.
At last, he decided he’d take the first stab at conversation. He hoped she’d be open to talking about it with him. “I’ve never seen Jack handle anything – well, anyone – but anything with such care,” he remarked as if it were a casual observation, carefully watching her out of the corner of his eye.
She snorted softly, though the light blush that graced her cheeks gave her away. “You’re just saying that.”
“I’m not, Sam. And the way you look at him-“
“Daniel,” she said sharply, flashing a warning glance in his direction.
“Oh will you…!” he stopped in irritation to gather his thoughts. He wasn’t going to be deterred this time. He was always backing down, but there was such tension between them that they were pretending to ignore! If what had just happened was anymore indication than their daily interaction with each other, ignoring it wasn’t making it go away.
He shifted closer to her, dropping his voice so no one passing by could hear. “You know, the military is as afraid of the L-word as hippies are of water guns and violent video games.”
She sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head dismally. “Daniel, please. Just drop it.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to talk about it,” she said calmly, taking a sip of champagne.
“He nearly kissed you out there, and you don’t want to-“
Sam slammed her flute down, probably more forcefully than she’d intended, and swiveled on her chair to fully face him. She studied him for a moment, as if looking for something in his features that would explain why he was being so stubborn about the subject.
“What do you want me to say, Daniel? What do you want me to do? You think I don’t want to…”
When she didn’t continue, he picked it up immediately. “Now see, there. You can’t even acknowledge it to yourself.”
“Of course I can’t!” she said desperately, and Daniel was surprised. “I mean, I can, but I can’t…! I don’t know. I..” she trailed off, looking down at the liquid in her glass.
A wave of sadness washed over him as he watched his friend flounder about, embarrassed because she was in love with the one man she shouldn’t be. Because the rules said so. As if it was her fault. As if it was a fault to have. “Do you even say it in the privacy of your own mind, Sam?” he asked quieter, gently.
“Say what?” she deflected, still staring at the clear bubbly.
“That you love him,” he said gentler still.
She sighed, half rolling her eyes and said as she took another sip, “I love you, Daniel. I love Teal’c.”
“And Jack?” he prompted.
“Yes,” she said dismissively. “Of course.”
“You love him?”
“Yes.”
“But you won’t say it.”
“I just did, didn’t I?”
“No,” he replied obtusely, adjusting his glasses on his face. “You said, ‘Yes.’”
She sighed, leaning against the counter and toying with the rim of her glass absentmindedly. “Daniel, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, and your support means more to me than I can say.”
Oh, he was close. Just one more push… “And you can’t say, ‘I love Jack,’ because…?”
“Because you know why!” she said at last. “It would mean something... entirely different.” She was glaring at her glass in disgust, and Daniel recognized that it was at herself the expression was directed. “Happy now?”
“No. You still haven’t said it. You’ve acknowledged it, so why-”
“Because I have a duty, Daniel! To the team, to the Air Force, to the world… We both do!”
“Well, in my opinion, which I know counts for little militaristically, you’re both going above and beyond the call of duty to allow the military to dictate your personal lives.”
“It’s a lifestyle, not a job. There are regulations for a good reason,” she said with a hint of exasperation.
“Not for you two. G--, there’s so much tension between you-!”
“Daniel, please.” She was on the verge of pleading, eyes closed to cover the swirling emotions his words brought.
He sighed, acknowledging defeat and feeling like it wasn’t his business, anyway. “All right. It’s just..” he felt the need to explain himself, “It’s just that I can’t stand to watch you both do this to yourselves.”
“We have it under control-”
“That’s just it, Sam. This isn’t something you should have to control.”
She turned from him, Daniel following her gaze to drift across the dance floor and settle on Jack. He was engaged in a conversation with a small group, a humorous expression on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Teal’c was standing nearby in silent support. “If not for so many other factors,” she said wistfully, “I’d agree with you.”
It was a lot for her to admit, Daniel knew, and he was appreciative that she’d shared as much with him. But Daniel wouldn’t give up on them as it seemed they had. He was determined to see to it that someday, they both received their heart’s desire.
TBC…
Continue to Part 2
Return to SG-1 Index
Return to Master Index
AN: As stated above, there’s a second part to this; it will be posted later on today! Also, the title is more for the second chapter, so… it will make sense!
Author:
patriot_jackieRating: G
Genre: Drama/
Word Count: 3,345 Words
Season/Spoilers: Season 5, Fail Safe & Season 8, Threads
Summary: Adagio - A tempo mark directing that a movement is to be played slowly and gracefully; any slow dance. S/J
Dedication: Written for Gater_62 - Merry Christmas! I am your Secret Santa! Your request was rather open, but I had a little bit to work with, including your seeming preference for Jack, so I wrote the second part in his POV. YES! You get two chappies! Hope it satisfies your inner shipper!
AN: I placed the first part of this fic after Fail Safe, but it’s *not* a tag. I mean… unless you want it to be. ;) If the party is Christmassy, that’s up to you, too! I've never written this much drama before, so I hope I've done well!
No expense had been spared for the celebration currently taking place: Earth had avoided being destroyed by an asteroid that had been sure to impact. A miraculous save by SG-1 had spared them, though not everyone in attendance was permitted to know how. Bright and golden, the ballroom’s décor was to be envied by any other gathering, past and present. The amplified strains of a quick waltz from the string quintet pervaded the lively setting, hovering over the murmurs and talk of the large crowd. Celebration was in the air as the attendees chalked up another close victory for Earth, and they chattered between occupations and ate, drank, and made merry on the dance floor.
Major Samantha Carter looked across the ornately decorated ballroom and felt a hollow sense of achievement. While it was true that SG-1 had saved the Earth from impending doom, the recent losses of the Tollan and Tok’ra homeworld among others weighed heavier on Sam’s heart. She supposed it was good to celebrate this victory with all those involved – the SGC, a good portion of the Pentagon, NASA scientists, some Senators and House Representatives, the President, and the astronomer who had discovered the “asteroid” in the first place – with the string of recent defeats and blows. They’d needed a morale boost now more than ever with new and more deadly enemies on the rise, and though Sam would easily take the momentary victory and move on to the next task, she understood that sometimes it was good to revel in their good fortune.
She tried to cheer herself up. Her and SG-1’s role could not be officially stipulated at this formal celebration, but they had received generalized recognition, she most of all. She felt more of it should have been given to Daniel since he had been the one to give her the idea even though he would balk at the idea. Her three teammates were around the party somewhere; they were, in a way, the guests of honor. She wondered if Daniel had known to stay away from the punch or if the Colonel had discovered the secret stash of cake he was convinced they had hidden somewhere. She hadn’t seen the Colonel since the beginning of the party, though she was grateful about that.
“Major Carter,” Teal’c’s deep voice interrupted her musings, and she looked to him eagerly giving her attention. She hadn’t even heard him approach. He held out his hand, palm up in offering. “May I have this dance?”
Sam felt her expression light up in bright surprise. “You learned how to dance, Teal’c?” Sappily, she had a thought that she could always depend on her guys, no matter the situation – even something as simple as making her smile.
He inclined his head. “I have done some study of the Tauri’s cultural dances. They are not dissimilar from the dances on Chulak.”
Her mouth was twitching in amusement from his reference to the ‘Tauri’s cultural dances,’ but she covered for it with a wide grin and took his hand. “In that case, I’d be honored, Teal’c. Lead the way.”
And lead he did. Sam was surprised at how adept he was at dancing, though considering how strong and steady his general presence was, she knew she shouldn’t have been. They glided through the ballroom effortlessly, chatting leisurely about Teal’c’s son and Master Bra’tac. Before she even knew it, the song had ended, the couples parted from one another as they applauded the musicians.
“Wow. Wanna go another round?” She grinned up at him.
His mouth tipped upward ever so slightly, but his eyes flickered briefly over her shoulder. “I would. However, I believe you would prefer to dance with O’Neill.”
He motioned behind her then, she turning to see, “The Colonel?” falling from her lips.
Sure enough, Colonel O’Neill was walking towards them. He was obviously distracted by a pretty, flaunting brunette only to just as obviously ignore her with a wink to Sam. She barely withheld rolling her eyes. She’d spent most of the evening avoiding him. The problem wasn’t that she didn’t want to be around him; it was the exact opposite. Sam feared her true feelings would be exposed from the general flush on her cheeks and the way she wouldn’t be able to take her eyes off him in a conversation.
He looked too good in dress.
“Hey, T’,” the Colonel said as he approached them, squeezing through the last pair that separated them.
The Jaffa inclined his head in friendly, respectful acknowledgement. “O’Neill.”
He smiled, eyes twinkling good naturedly. “Mind if I cut in and steal Carter for a dance?” The question was posed to Teal’c, though he turned to Sam halfway through it, eyebrows perched hopefully. She smiled back, if a little shyly.
“Not at all, O’Neill,” Teal’c said, his eyes wandering over the crowd. “I must inform DanielJackson of the high alcoholic content in the beverage he is about to consume.”
The colonel’s eyebrows arched again, and he and Sam turned to the direction Teal’c had indicated in time to see Daniel, engaged in conversation, pour himself a full glass of the spiked fruity drink.
“Yes!” Jack said to Teal’c. “Go. Inform away. Save our Danny boy from certain embarrassment.”
With a nod to them both, Teal’c hurried away to rescue the distracted archeologist from his own absentmindedness.
“Can’t leave him for a second,” Jack said mostly to himself, but Sam chuckled at his muttered comment. He smiled wistfully, “He hasn’t changed a bit.” She had to force herself to look away from the fond expression on his face.
They watched the comical scene for a moment more, Teal’c coming up behind Daniel and tapping him on the shoulder, motioning to the glass in his hand. As if he knew they were watching – perhaps Teal’c had told him that, as well – Daniel turned to Sam and Jack and shook his head before returning his attention to Teal’c.
“Well,” the Colonel said suddenly spinning to face her. “Shall we?”
Sam smiled. “Have you been enjoying yourself, Sir?”
“Well, you know, there still isn’t any cake,” he said with a playful smirk as the quintet struck up the first note, and he reached for her hand. She knew he felt the same electric shock at the touch when his eyes immediately locked with hers. If not for their years of practice, she was sure she’d have forgotten to place her other hand on his arm. She bit her lip when he touched her waist lightly, looking down as they began to move in time.
When he spoke again, she looked up. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’ve been avoiding me, Carter,” he said lightly, though his brown eyes held her blue ones steadily in question.
She winced, despite herself.
He frowned. “Something I said? Do I smell bad?”
She bit her lip again, this time to keep from laughing. She wanted to tell him that he smelled very good, a burning blush crawling up her neck. “No, Sir,” she managed.
“Well?” His eyebrows were quirked upwards in askance.
She knew he wouldn’t let it go unless she gave him an answer, and as her commanding officer, she was required to answer his direct question. Still, she couldn’t tell the truth… “It’s not what you think, Sir,” she finally settled on. He still wasn’t satisfied, so she avoided his eyes and continued, “I’m just… not sure this was such a good idea.”
He was silent, long enough for her to guess that he understood what she was getting at.
Without his face to focus on, her attention was drawn more on where they were touching each other. He felt strong and solid beneath her hand, and she wanted nothing more than to press herself fully against him.
“Oh,” he said.
She chanced looking at him again, but instead of compassion or understanding, she recognized the hurt and disappointment that had stolen into his eyes and the set of his mouth. For a moment, she didn’t understand, but then Sam realized a pounding moment too late that with his own self doubts, he’d completely misconstrued her meaning.
They’d been treating each other with a measured amount of distance since… since he’d had to kill her, in an attempt to move on. Personally, she’d been completely unsuccessful, despite the recent hurt of the situation with Orlin during which she had partially considered making a genuine attempt out of her feelings of betrayal and abandonment. But Jack… Jack, she was sure, believed she’d moved on because of Orlin, and he hadn’t been hiding his feelings about it very well. At least not from her, and he knew it. Recently, things had almost gone back to normal between them, but he apparently still held doubts.
She thought back to her answer. Did he really think she was uncomfortable in his presence because he thought she didn’t…feel feelings for him anymore?
She couldn’t let that stand, and she didn’t care what the regulations had to say on the matter. “Sir,” she said purposely, only to be interrupted.
“Relax, Carter,” he said wryly, face smoothing as he buried the negative emotions. “I don’t bite.” He paused before adding, “Like some Majors.”
Sam couldn’t fight off the blush, and she looked away to hide it. Aside from knowing she’d never live down the time when she’d bit the colonel’s hand, her mind had quickly taken a tangent when he’d mentioned biting in the first place. If the situation had been different, she would have glared at him for his teasing.
“That’s not what I meant, Sir,” she said looking up and meeting his eyes squarely. His eyes were blank and expressionless, and she knew he’d recoiled into himself as a defense. “Sir,” she said sincerely, “I could never feel anything less than safe with you.” It was a compromise, because they’d never been direct about anything and she couldn’t start now, but she hoped her emphasis would put some of his fears to rest.
He gave her a half smile. “Safe is good.” His tone still sounded disappointed.
“It’s more than safe-“ she started to say, determined that he understand.
“Sam,” he interrupted her. “Don’t.”
She frowned, frustrated. “Don’t what?”
“Just don’t,” he said simply. “Don’t be right about this being a bad idea.”
Her heart dropped as he turned her words on her. “I was wrong. Anything with you couldn’t be-”
“Carter,” he interrupted again, more sharply this time and shook his head. “I know.”
But he didn’t, and he wouldn’t let her explain. Could she have screwed this up any more thoroughly?
Conversation obviously a dead end, she concentrated on the dance. One, two, three. One, two, three. He led, and she followed as it always was between them. His movements weren’t as smooth and refined as Teal’c’s, and yet, there was a lightness to his touch, a reverence in the way he looked at her, that exuded far more grace and elegance than any other man she’d ever shared a dance with. The way he moved, she could sense his earnestness in every step as he pulled her closer against his body. She decided that she preferred it, preferred him and finally allowed herself to relax. This was no revelation to her, but they were dangerous thoughts to have when so many people and SGC personnel in particular were present. But Sam, for once in her life, ignored those warnings from her logical self, and set herself to enjoy this with her commanding officer.
Under the guise (to herself) of relaxing further, she leaned into him more. To accommodate their closer position, Jack pulled their barely outstretched hands towards him. One, two, three. One, two, three.
Belatedly, she realized they were no longer speaking at all, but she didn’t mind it. The silence was good, comfortable.
He was watching her intently, and she was content to fall into those expressive eyes. Desire and restraint warred in his features, gaze roaming her face and mouth for a moment before returning to her own. He repeated the motions, and she understood.
He wanted to kiss her, and Sam, ignoring any consequences, decided she would let him.
But if Jack saw her answer, he still seemed conflicted.
The piece ended, applause breaking through the haze that had settled between them. With a start, Sam realized what they had been about to do as they backed away from each other and clapped unthinkingly with the others. Inconspicuously, Sam looked around to see if they’d been so obvious as to be noticed. She’d never been thankful to see Senator Kinsey before, but if anyone would have noticed, it would have been him, and he seemed completely oblivious to the things that had been transpiring between her and Jack.
She turned back to the Colonel; he, too had been checking to see if they’d been caught, turning his attention from a none-the-wiser General Hammond.
“Guess you were right after all,” he said, bitterness, she knew directed at himself, creeping into his voice, and he left her abruptly on the dance floor.
She hated it. Hated that she was right. Definitely a bad idea.
Daniel was ready when Sam scooted into the stool beside him at the bar. He passed her a glass of champagne, which she gratefully accepted. He had no drink himself, thanks to Teal’c’s warning of even the punch. Not that he minded alcohol, but it was no secret that he was easily influenced by the substance, and he really didn’t want that side of himself exposed to anyone outside of his family. Most people would be appalled to hear him describe his job as his life, but for him, the SGC was so much more than just a job. It was that way for anyone who was a part of it, really, but especially SG-1, though he recognized he might be biased about that last part.
With that thought on his mind, he turned to Sam who was, as he thought of her, the sister he’d never had. He wondered briefly if he’d ever told her that – if he really needed to.
She was focused intently on the flute in her hands, twirling it mindlessly in place on the counter. A light flush still graced her face, and he couldn’t help the wave of sympathy that washed over him. He wasn’t sure how to play these things; it was a subject the team had an unspoken rule about, for the good of SG-1, the SGC, and even the galaxy if they were honest. Interesting that they were still such down-to-earth folks. – Well, outside of the whole… super genius, super linguist, alien “traitor,” brilliant tactician make-up they had coupled with too many bizarre and life-threatening experiences to count. So maybe they’d never be normal, but they tried to maintain at least some semblance of the ordinary. After all, outside of their amazing talents and luck, they were just ordinary people.
At last, he decided he’d take the first stab at conversation. He hoped she’d be open to talking about it with him. “I’ve never seen Jack handle anything – well, anyone – but anything with such care,” he remarked as if it were a casual observation, carefully watching her out of the corner of his eye.
She snorted softly, though the light blush that graced her cheeks gave her away. “You’re just saying that.”
“I’m not, Sam. And the way you look at him-“
“Daniel,” she said sharply, flashing a warning glance in his direction.
“Oh will you…!” he stopped in irritation to gather his thoughts. He wasn’t going to be deterred this time. He was always backing down, but there was such tension between them that they were pretending to ignore! If what had just happened was anymore indication than their daily interaction with each other, ignoring it wasn’t making it go away.
He shifted closer to her, dropping his voice so no one passing by could hear. “You know, the military is as afraid of the L-word as hippies are of water guns and violent video games.”
She sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head dismally. “Daniel, please. Just drop it.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to talk about it,” she said calmly, taking a sip of champagne.
“He nearly kissed you out there, and you don’t want to-“
Sam slammed her flute down, probably more forcefully than she’d intended, and swiveled on her chair to fully face him. She studied him for a moment, as if looking for something in his features that would explain why he was being so stubborn about the subject.
“What do you want me to say, Daniel? What do you want me to do? You think I don’t want to…”
When she didn’t continue, he picked it up immediately. “Now see, there. You can’t even acknowledge it to yourself.”
“Of course I can’t!” she said desperately, and Daniel was surprised. “I mean, I can, but I can’t…! I don’t know. I..” she trailed off, looking down at the liquid in her glass.
A wave of sadness washed over him as he watched his friend flounder about, embarrassed because she was in love with the one man she shouldn’t be. Because the rules said so. As if it was her fault. As if it was a fault to have. “Do you even say it in the privacy of your own mind, Sam?” he asked quieter, gently.
“Say what?” she deflected, still staring at the clear bubbly.
“That you love him,” he said gentler still.
She sighed, half rolling her eyes and said as she took another sip, “I love you, Daniel. I love Teal’c.”
“And Jack?” he prompted.
“Yes,” she said dismissively. “Of course.”
“You love him?”
“Yes.”
“But you won’t say it.”
“I just did, didn’t I?”
“No,” he replied obtusely, adjusting his glasses on his face. “You said, ‘Yes.’”
She sighed, leaning against the counter and toying with the rim of her glass absentmindedly. “Daniel, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, and your support means more to me than I can say.”
Oh, he was close. Just one more push… “And you can’t say, ‘I love Jack,’ because…?”
“Because you know why!” she said at last. “It would mean something... entirely different.” She was glaring at her glass in disgust, and Daniel recognized that it was at herself the expression was directed. “Happy now?”
“No. You still haven’t said it. You’ve acknowledged it, so why-”
“Because I have a duty, Daniel! To the team, to the Air Force, to the world… We both do!”
“Well, in my opinion, which I know counts for little militaristically, you’re both going above and beyond the call of duty to allow the military to dictate your personal lives.”
“It’s a lifestyle, not a job. There are regulations for a good reason,” she said with a hint of exasperation.
“Not for you two. G--, there’s so much tension between you-!”
“Daniel, please.” She was on the verge of pleading, eyes closed to cover the swirling emotions his words brought.
He sighed, acknowledging defeat and feeling like it wasn’t his business, anyway. “All right. It’s just..” he felt the need to explain himself, “It’s just that I can’t stand to watch you both do this to yourselves.”
“We have it under control-”
“That’s just it, Sam. This isn’t something you should have to control.”
She turned from him, Daniel following her gaze to drift across the dance floor and settle on Jack. He was engaged in a conversation with a small group, a humorous expression on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Teal’c was standing nearby in silent support. “If not for so many other factors,” she said wistfully, “I’d agree with you.”
It was a lot for her to admit, Daniel knew, and he was appreciative that she’d shared as much with him. But Daniel wouldn’t give up on them as it seemed they had. He was determined to see to it that someday, they both received their heart’s desire.
TBC…
Continue to Part 2
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AN: As stated above, there’s a second part to this; it will be posted later on today! Also, the title is more for the second chapter, so… it will make sense!
